Ok so I live in one of the southern states .... I am from a northern state in a rural area compared to the city that I currently live in. I have been here for approximately a decade ... give or take a couple of years.
Anyway, where I was from you never saw a homeless person or a junkie. Of course you heard about it - but it is something that took place in major cities... not in a small farming community. You might have had a friend who was kicked out of their house or a person that you knew that dabbled in drugs - but never anyone labeled officially by those titles.
Well here it is different. You have both your junkies who are homeless and your homeless who are junkies. Or they are just a junkie or just homeless. Also you have hookers that are both. These people like to panhandle or offer their "services" for sell.
I am sure that they all had dreams at one time - like any other person who dreams. Some big dreams that are too outrageous to ever happen - or some small practical dreams that are workable ... but some how the bottom fell out and they end up where they end up.
My dreams use to be outrageous when I was younger ... thinking I might be an actress, or meet a prince that would sweep me off my feet, or that some other impossible good fortune wind fall would happen. Sometimes now I have dreams that I will win millions in the lottery... but I have to be real ... My dreams are now practical ... get a job that will allow me to be home with the little one during the summer and holidays, a job that will offer a pay check that will assist in payment of the bills, a chance to get caught up and maybe save some money, just a chance to survive and live some what comfortable.
The job that I may have providing I pass all my testing is not my dream job... it does however all me to work with kids in a small way, provide a check, and the schedule I need. Like I have been saying sometimes you have to give something up in order to gain another thing that works better for your life situation.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Come Monday....,
Come Monday, I start my behind the wheel training with my B class cdl. So watch out world here I come!!!! (Kinda a scary thought :P)
Got out of training early yesterday, had a nice dinner with hubby and little one. Went to the store to try to find a winne the pooh toy/plush doll for the little on and they had ...nothing :(. So she picked out some random toy and a book that makes noise.
Then came home and watched little one and hubby sing together (heavy metal music) and air guitar together. After that little one went to bed.
I was tired yesterday - sleeping on the couch to wake up early for training.
Anyway, I need to clean today and pay bills and do laundry.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
Got out of training early yesterday, had a nice dinner with hubby and little one. Went to the store to try to find a winne the pooh toy/plush doll for the little on and they had ...nothing :(. So she picked out some random toy and a book that makes noise.
Then came home and watched little one and hubby sing together (heavy metal music) and air guitar together. After that little one went to bed.
I was tired yesterday - sleeping on the couch to wake up early for training.
Anyway, I need to clean today and pay bills and do laundry.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Attending a new church ...
Today I attended a new church with my little one and it was great and relaxing!
Ok, so a basic history on my church experience:
At a young age, while my parents were married, I attended a Baptist or Methodist church. It was fun from what I remember with Halloween parties, Christmas parties, Sunday School, etc. Then my parents divorced while I was young. Dad got custody of us, and our church going days pretty much ended ....
Until Grand-mom the strict Catholic step in to save our souls ....
We had to attend Saturday mass with her, the go to CCD one day during the week, then on top of that we had to go to the Sister's house once a week for further instruction since we were not raised Catholic.
So, this went on for years, until one day when I was in the 5th/6th grade when I was to make my conformation/confession. My Grand-mom wanted me to stay at her house all weekend to practice what ever prayers I needed to learn for that occasion. My Uncle's new wife invited me to her church for a mother/daughter dinner. My Aunt did not have any children. I was honored that she selected me to attend with her. Well this invite, rocked the boat with my grandmother!!! She was so furious that I would dare attend this event rather then sit at her house and practice the prayers all weekend. Grand-mom through up her hands and said if I went to this other church event that she was finished with me going to the Catholic church. So like a ton of bricks being released from my shoulders - I was free from the forced chains of the Catholic church.
So in my search for enlightenment, I attend two other churches because I had friends who went there and there were some fun activities. Then my other Grand-mother (aka Nana) who was also Catholic, but not strict started to attend metaphysical classes. Nana introduced me to earth based and some far fetched ideas, some that have been with me all my life before this time.
I always knew there was a god or creative force in nature and enjoyed the beauty of nature. It was something that I could feel, see, and touch. I also believed that you did not need a "middle man" in order to talk to god. Also it made sense to me that there be both a male and female presence in the world and in god - which most Christian religions did not touch on greatly. That both male and female were equal and the Christian religion focuses mainly on the male side of things.
From there, I found my way into Wicca. But I prefer to call myself pagan. I read up on the religion and felt my self at home. Here was a religion that touched on all that I believed and did not require the "middle man" to help you worship, that the way to worship was as simple or as elaborate as you wanted it to be. I have always found the spiritual side of paganism to be deep in my heart. It is the spiritual side I have practiced and not so much the magical side.
With that, I found my self involved with a group. It was like a prayer answered to know others of like mind to worship with. However, the group became more of a drama club, then it did a real group of spiritual worship. Slowly, members drifted away, new ones came, and then went. Some effected directly by the drama of the group and other just tired of the drama of the group left. After being involved for along time, my eyes opened and my family and I left, because we were sick of the occult like atmosphere cause by the constant need of drama by the High Priestess.
Then church / spiritual group gatherings were put on a hiatus, but not my beliefs. So we briefly attended another church that was freer in spiritual thought. We did that with the encouragement of a friend. But, it just was not the right fit for our little one with her special needs.
Then come today, our attendance of the Unitarian church. It was just me and the little one. Dear hubby wants a break from religion for a while because the drama of the past hit close to home - and he just want to be left out of it for now.
My overall impression was complete ease today. The summer time nursery staff was wonderful with the little one. She had a great time exploring and playing and was very happy! I went to the service and it was relaxed. They sang songs, are open and inviting to ALL religions and backgrounds and sexual orientation and races. They embrace everyone no matter what!
The sermon was about three vilified heroes in the bible - Jezabel who embraced the collective and non-forced practice of all religions in her husband's Hebrew realm, Thomas who was the "doubting Tom" in the bible because he required physical proof that Jesus had risen, and the third peasant in Jesus's parable about the rich man who went a way and gave large sums of money to 3 peasants.
The story behind Jezebel and Ahab was that Jezebel would not would not give up her gods when she married Ahab. She influenced her husband to accept all religions under his realm and not to force his kingdom to practice only one religion. The lesson of Jezebel is that she was tolerant of other religions and beliefs.
The story behind Thomas was that Thomas required hard fact that can be proven that Jesus had risen. Thomas was not going to take hear say as fact until he saw for himself and in front of other witnesses that this miracle had occurred. The lesson of Thomas was to not accept things as fact on blind faith alone because blind faith can led you into trouble, that it is best to rely on hard fact.
Then the story with Jesus's parable with the rich man and the 3 peasants was interesting. The rich man gave 3 peasants large amounts of money with instructions to invest the money and make a profit while he was away. The first and second peasants went out and followed the instructions. They made huge amounts of profit to give back to the rich man when he returned. The third peasant buried the money and waited for the return of the rich man. The third peasant did not invest the money nor touch the money. Upon the return of the rich man, the 3rd peasant gave him the full amount of money back. The rich man was extremely upset that his wishes were not followed. He kicked the peasant out and gave the other peasant who made the greater profit that money as a reward. The 3rd peasant had refused to let his principles be ruined by greed that money can cause.
It was defiantly an unorthodox lesson, but it made complete sense and kept my attention!
To conclude, we will be attending again next week :O) I am looking forward to it - also it will help the little one with her language and social skills and following directions :)
Ok, so a basic history on my church experience:
At a young age, while my parents were married, I attended a Baptist or Methodist church. It was fun from what I remember with Halloween parties, Christmas parties, Sunday School, etc. Then my parents divorced while I was young. Dad got custody of us, and our church going days pretty much ended ....
Until Grand-mom the strict Catholic step in to save our souls ....
We had to attend Saturday mass with her, the go to CCD one day during the week, then on top of that we had to go to the Sister's house once a week for further instruction since we were not raised Catholic.
So, this went on for years, until one day when I was in the 5th/6th grade when I was to make my conformation/confession. My Grand-mom wanted me to stay at her house all weekend to practice what ever prayers I needed to learn for that occasion. My Uncle's new wife invited me to her church for a mother/daughter dinner. My Aunt did not have any children. I was honored that she selected me to attend with her. Well this invite, rocked the boat with my grandmother!!! She was so furious that I would dare attend this event rather then sit at her house and practice the prayers all weekend. Grand-mom through up her hands and said if I went to this other church event that she was finished with me going to the Catholic church. So like a ton of bricks being released from my shoulders - I was free from the forced chains of the Catholic church.
So in my search for enlightenment, I attend two other churches because I had friends who went there and there were some fun activities. Then my other Grand-mother (aka Nana) who was also Catholic, but not strict started to attend metaphysical classes. Nana introduced me to earth based and some far fetched ideas, some that have been with me all my life before this time.
I always knew there was a god or creative force in nature and enjoyed the beauty of nature. It was something that I could feel, see, and touch. I also believed that you did not need a "middle man" in order to talk to god. Also it made sense to me that there be both a male and female presence in the world and in god - which most Christian religions did not touch on greatly. That both male and female were equal and the Christian religion focuses mainly on the male side of things.
From there, I found my way into Wicca. But I prefer to call myself pagan. I read up on the religion and felt my self at home. Here was a religion that touched on all that I believed and did not require the "middle man" to help you worship, that the way to worship was as simple or as elaborate as you wanted it to be. I have always found the spiritual side of paganism to be deep in my heart. It is the spiritual side I have practiced and not so much the magical side.
With that, I found my self involved with a group. It was like a prayer answered to know others of like mind to worship with. However, the group became more of a drama club, then it did a real group of spiritual worship. Slowly, members drifted away, new ones came, and then went. Some effected directly by the drama of the group and other just tired of the drama of the group left. After being involved for along time, my eyes opened and my family and I left, because we were sick of the occult like atmosphere cause by the constant need of drama by the High Priestess.
Then church / spiritual group gatherings were put on a hiatus, but not my beliefs. So we briefly attended another church that was freer in spiritual thought. We did that with the encouragement of a friend. But, it just was not the right fit for our little one with her special needs.
Then come today, our attendance of the Unitarian church. It was just me and the little one. Dear hubby wants a break from religion for a while because the drama of the past hit close to home - and he just want to be left out of it for now.
My overall impression was complete ease today. The summer time nursery staff was wonderful with the little one. She had a great time exploring and playing and was very happy! I went to the service and it was relaxed. They sang songs, are open and inviting to ALL religions and backgrounds and sexual orientation and races. They embrace everyone no matter what!
The sermon was about three vilified heroes in the bible - Jezabel who embraced the collective and non-forced practice of all religions in her husband's Hebrew realm, Thomas who was the "doubting Tom" in the bible because he required physical proof that Jesus had risen, and the third peasant in Jesus's parable about the rich man who went a way and gave large sums of money to 3 peasants.
The story behind Jezebel and Ahab was that Jezebel would not would not give up her gods when she married Ahab. She influenced her husband to accept all religions under his realm and not to force his kingdom to practice only one religion. The lesson of Jezebel is that she was tolerant of other religions and beliefs.
The story behind Thomas was that Thomas required hard fact that can be proven that Jesus had risen. Thomas was not going to take hear say as fact until he saw for himself and in front of other witnesses that this miracle had occurred. The lesson of Thomas was to not accept things as fact on blind faith alone because blind faith can led you into trouble, that it is best to rely on hard fact.
Then the story with Jesus's parable with the rich man and the 3 peasants was interesting. The rich man gave 3 peasants large amounts of money with instructions to invest the money and make a profit while he was away. The first and second peasants went out and followed the instructions. They made huge amounts of profit to give back to the rich man when he returned. The third peasant buried the money and waited for the return of the rich man. The third peasant did not invest the money nor touch the money. Upon the return of the rich man, the 3rd peasant gave him the full amount of money back. The rich man was extremely upset that his wishes were not followed. He kicked the peasant out and gave the other peasant who made the greater profit that money as a reward. The 3rd peasant had refused to let his principles be ruined by greed that money can cause.
It was defiantly an unorthodox lesson, but it made complete sense and kept my attention!
To conclude, we will be attending again next week :O) I am looking forward to it - also it will help the little one with her language and social skills and following directions :)
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Truck Driving Momma...
So hubby comes home and lets me drive his truck which is a dually. I did alright with it on the road. He wanted me to go on the interstate claiming that it is easier to drive the truck on the highway then the back roads. But I got out of it by stating if the highway is easier then the back roads, then it is better to drive on the roadway that is much harder. So I won out in the end on that. Then he had me back up to his trailer - that was interesting :P Not the highlight of my night, but a girl ought to learn how to handle a truck :)
Well, I drove around the parking lot with it and braking but not on the road. The little one saved the day - she was tired and cranky and had to use the bathroom!!! So her being more of a distraction saved me the horror of having to back the trailer up at night ... but that will happen soon...
Well, I drove around the parking lot with it and braking but not on the road. The little one saved the day - she was tired and cranky and had to use the bathroom!!! So her being more of a distraction saved me the horror of having to back the trailer up at night ... but that will happen soon...
Thunder Booms!!!
Here I sit watching Iris, smoking my last smoke, and listening to thunder booms!!! I have cleaned the apartment and vacuumed - only the dumping ground of doom is calling me (aka our bedroom).
I still need to go out and get clean supplies soooo I can clean one of the two apartments. But do not want to go out in the thunder boom (thunder storm) with my child. So, sitting and waiting for husband to come home so I do that so called undesirable deed of cleaning. Tomorrow I will take the little one to church. That is all that my weekend amounts too - ah yeah, and laundry.
I still need to go out and get clean supplies soooo I can clean one of the two apartments. But do not want to go out in the thunder boom (thunder storm) with my child. So, sitting and waiting for husband to come home so I do that so called undesirable deed of cleaning. Tomorrow I will take the little one to church. That is all that my weekend amounts too - ah yeah, and laundry.
Life sitution .... 1 st post
Will keeping a blog help to keep me sane? (Like I was every sane to start with...lol!)
I am not good at keeping dairies or blogs, but I will try ....
I have been unemployed for the past year and a half. My unemployment ran out a few months ago. I have been on job interviews with not much luck. I have had an interview as of last week and have attending training classes (not paid) to get my cdl permit. I have past the permit test as of yesterday and start behind the wheel training on Monday. So that is a highlight....
But no pay will come in until I pass the road test. So at home things are a bit strained. We have one income coming in and lots of money going out with not much to spare. I clean vacant apartments to cover our rent - a bit of a barter system. Not a job that I like at all ... but hey it keeps a roof over our heads. We also have a small child out home who is autistic - but not "officially" diagnosed. She is in the ESE program at her school for children with autism. She is a work in progress - a happy, laughing, ball of energy!!!
Right now, we are at a dangerous edge. With one income coming in, the slightest illness, extra bill, or screw up can send us falling into a downward spiral off a cliff. Dear hubby is stressed, I am stressed ...
Dear hubby works his main job - then looks for side work like car repairs, towing, scraping metal, etc. I need have this job pull threw for several reasons ... we just need to make it threw the summer and then things will be looking up.
I may have to go hat in hand to my father, because I do not see how we can make it pass these next few months. My hubby is burnt out... I have been trying to find side jobs baby sitting, but not much luck has come my way in that direction. I am dreading having to make that phone call, but I will have to :(
Well have to clean my apartment then clean the two others ... so will post later
I am not good at keeping dairies or blogs, but I will try ....
I have been unemployed for the past year and a half. My unemployment ran out a few months ago. I have been on job interviews with not much luck. I have had an interview as of last week and have attending training classes (not paid) to get my cdl permit. I have past the permit test as of yesterday and start behind the wheel training on Monday. So that is a highlight....
But no pay will come in until I pass the road test. So at home things are a bit strained. We have one income coming in and lots of money going out with not much to spare. I clean vacant apartments to cover our rent - a bit of a barter system. Not a job that I like at all ... but hey it keeps a roof over our heads. We also have a small child out home who is autistic - but not "officially" diagnosed. She is in the ESE program at her school for children with autism. She is a work in progress - a happy, laughing, ball of energy!!!
Right now, we are at a dangerous edge. With one income coming in, the slightest illness, extra bill, or screw up can send us falling into a downward spiral off a cliff. Dear hubby is stressed, I am stressed ...
Dear hubby works his main job - then looks for side work like car repairs, towing, scraping metal, etc. I need have this job pull threw for several reasons ... we just need to make it threw the summer and then things will be looking up.
I may have to go hat in hand to my father, because I do not see how we can make it pass these next few months. My hubby is burnt out... I have been trying to find side jobs baby sitting, but not much luck has come my way in that direction. I am dreading having to make that phone call, but I will have to :(
Well have to clean my apartment then clean the two others ... so will post later
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