Les Cris Hôtel de Saleté et de Sinistre

Welcome to Les Cris Hôtel de Saleté et de Sinistre...

Here are your host and heureuse petite fille qui provoque de nombreux résultats drôle courious et parfois pas si drôle.

The host - will fix your car providing you traveled by car and that you pay for all the parts on suggested repairs. He will also talk your ear off regarding his truck and general knowledge on the interworking of engine. He might provide a brief break and entertain you with his games or may be a movie.

The hostess - will provide you with nutrition and guided tours around the city and surrounding areas. She will try to make your visit as comfortable as possible and regale in real adult conversion that is outside scope of automotive.

The heureuse petite fille qui provoque de nombreux résultats drôle courious et parfois pas si drôle - will provide impromptu and impulsive entertainment by going into your bags and taking your driver's license, credit cards, make up and keys and any thing else of interest. Also she will talk to you for hours by using the same phrase over and over again. Instant on watching the same wiggles video over and over and over again. Fight going to sleep, scream and cry and bang on the door in the middle night preventing a decent night sleep. Also she will eat your food and drink with out any regard as it being yours and yours alone. She will climb all sorts of heights to get into sugary food that will send her system on overload. She is a bunch of laughs and smiles as well.

Entertainment:

1) Over 300 dvd movies to be watched on a 74 inch tv with surround sound.
2) Access to laptop with internet and access to watch movies or netflixes.
3) Access to desktop computer with no internet access, but can watch movies or play computer games.
4) Access to pool and 20 mins away from the beach.
5) Random shopping all over the city.
6) Lectures on automotive issues and educational demonstrations provided weather you care to hear it or not - mandatory part of stay.
7) Child to play with or tolerate - mandatory part of stay.
8)Tuez les cafards contest: putting up with cafards mandatory, contest is not and there is no prize.

Food:

Breakfast - Coffee, Milk, Juice, Ice Tea. Limit choice of cereal, toast, maybe eggs if lucky.

Lunch- Same option of drinks. Left overs, soup, ramon noodles, maybe just maybe subs or cold cuts if lucky.

Dinner - Some options of drinks. Left overs, maybe steak, spaghetti or whatever the hostess feels like making.

Snacks - what ever may be left in house the the host or the heureuse petite fille qui provoque de nombreux résultats drôle courious et parfois pas si drôle has not eaten already.

Happy Hunting!

Rules:

1)There is no charge for staying - but understand you will sleep on floor, sofa or air mattress.
2) You will have to put up with nightly noises from heureuse petite fille qui provoque de nombreux résultats drôle courious et parfois pas si drôle.
3) Guard and protect your food.
4) Must secure any hang bags, suitcases, or other bags with locks, placing in high places, leaving in car, or putting in safe or locked master bedroom. This also includes any personal hygiene items.
5) Lock bathroom door when in use.
6) Putting up with cafards. Do not be angry if you bring any unwelcome friends home.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED - STAY AT YOUR OWN RISK! AND UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU EXPECTED THE HILTON THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED AT THE HILTON!!!

Certain things sound better in french ...lmao